Lost my brother, my confidant, to that cruel, indifferent disease. I will always honor my brother and the memories we shared thought our lives.
Remembering My Brother
Author: The ADHD Lawyer
I'm just a lawyer. With ADHD. Who embraces life. With an indomitable will. (FYI: The adjective "indomitable" means that of which cannot be subdued, or is unconquerable. The Latin prefix - with semantic influence - "in", means "not." The Latin word domitō, domitāre, domitāvī, domitātum, means "to tame." So the word "indomitable", verbatim, is "not to tame.") Hence, indomitable = invincible. That's me. + ADHD :)
Grief and ADHD = Unpredictably Intense Emotions
I lost my brother. I lost my amazing brother. Without warning. The only family member who understood me – understood my ADHD life. As many of us out there, we come from a dysfunctional functional family. But we’re Warriors. We have to be. That’s our shield. Our protection. I am the only diagnosed family member. I understand how I tick, how I function with ADHD. Neurotypicals label. Neurotypicals have surface knowledge, limited to their respective life experiences and opinions based on shallow misattribution, which rarely includes evidence-based information. There’s no real understanding of ADHD in general. No real underatanding of the intense emotions that come with this neurological disorder. So I grieve alone. Unpredictable emotional rollercoaster rises that are as intense as a wild fire. My ADHD and my grief of losing my brother. To f****** covid. What a lethal combination. Grief is a very personal experience. Each of us handles grief on our own terms. But what are these terms? I’ll keep you posted if and when I figure our what they are. All I know is that they are unknown and unpredictable. They intensify our ADHD symptoms beyond comprehension. Anger. Deep sadness. Guilt. Isolation. Denial. Hyper-mourning. Confusion. Despair. Take them as they come. Do the best you can. Allow yourself to feel. Embrace these feelings. Let the emotions be expressed. Give them freedom, and take it one day at a time. Do not entertain those who dictate their social protocol as the appropriate way to grieve. Know why? Because those people are likely non-ADHDers and do not understand us nor do they understand that we have a different way of handing trauma. To be continued . . .
I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I tried really hard. I’m sorry I was removed for a while, but you understood why. You understood my ADHD – lord knows our entire family has it, albeit unrecognized and undiagnosed, but oh boy do they have it! You understood my overwhelm, my reactionary behavior, my impatience. You understood my barriers, my boundaries, and my bullshit. And I understood you. I understood your iron-clad exterior. Your defensiveness. Your impatience. I also appreciated your enthusiasm. Your passion for life. Your humanitarianism. I am grateful to have had you as my brother. I am grateful to have learned so muxh from you. I am grateful for our special bond. I am grateful for your love. I am grateful for how proud you were of me. I’m grateful for you always looking out for me. For protecting me. For defending me. Everyone in the world should have a brother like you. Thank you for being mine. Love you bro. We shall meet again. #effyoucovvid
ADHD and Grief
On May 3rd 2021, I lost my brother Anthony to Covid-19. He was in the hospital for one month and and his lungs were so diseased and dysfunctional that the medical staff informed me that it became ARDS, which is Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. According to Johns Hopkins, “[a]s COVID-19 pneumonia progresses, more of the air sacs become filled with fluid leaking from the tiny blood vessels in the lungs. Eventually, shortness of breath sets in, and can lead to acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS), a form of lung failure.” (See https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/coronavirus/what-coronavirus-does-to-the-lungs). There is much more to the story that goes beyond the scope of this post, so I shall leave that for another post dedicated entirely to the one month Anthony was in the hospital. I have to realize that when I do share that post, I will be reliving that month and I must be mentally prepared to do so. But for now I shall leave it as an indeterminate option.
ADHD & Defensive Reactions
Have you ever felt that everything you do requires an explanation? What I mean is that you feel the overwhelming need to explain why you did something the way that you did? Even without being questioned about what you did? This, my friends, is yet another part of my ADHD life. But here is the kicker . . .the answer goes much deeper than the term ADHD.
April 18, 2022
If you type in the the terms “ADHD science” in a search engine, a plethora of information will return, and the kicker is the information returned on your command will vary according to where you are located in our amazingly vast Universe. It just blows my mind. Try it out out. What kind of information returns from the search?? How do you know if such information is valid? Do you understand what scientific research is? Is it the same ot different from evidence-based research? Do you know and underatand how it is applied in the field, and how to utilize it? My unsolicited suggestion – learn what evidence-based research is and then learn more about science topic research in general. And finally, how to sift out what you are looking for . . . ESPECIALLY when it related to ADHD.
To be continued . . .
It’s Been A While . . .
As you can see from the date of my last blog entry, it’s been quite a long while since my last post. Life continues, thankfully, and we have been given an unexpected challenge – the Coronavirus. The world has been on their respective version of a lockdown or ‘pause’, which has brought, amongst other things, some interesting times. For me, this pause has given me pause. It gave me insight into myself and the world at large. It has given me an opportunity to help myself and others. It has given me the opportunity to look at things a bit differently. It has made me appreciate the little things in life that are overlooked, and helped me realize how important they really are, and this I am truly grateful.
I hope that you’ve taken this opportunity to do the same. To remember how quickly what have, what we are accustomed to, can vanish in the blink of an eye. I have discovered that life is not a dress rehearsal that we can “do over”, but is live, at this very moment, and we should be so grateful for this precious gift. To be grateful is to cherish it, and how to cherish it is to be kind, always. Think about what you have gone through these last few months, and be grateful – truly grateful that you are alive! Whatever your situation, be unequivocally grateful, and live this gift called life in the present moment. It’s called the present because it is a gift. Remember this – every second of the day – remember this gift called the present moment. Take care of yourself and your family, and always, ALWAYS, live with a grateful heart.
Be well. Stay safe. Help others.
Keep the Peace!
?The ADHD Lawyer?
