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Grief and ADHD = Unpredictably Intense Emotions

I lost my brother. I lost my amazing brother. Without warning. The only family member who understood me – understood my ADHD life. As many of us out there, we come from a dysfunctional functional family. But we’re Warriors. We have to be. That’s our shield. Our protection. I am the only diagnosed family member. I understand how I tick, how I function with ADHD. Neurotypicals label. Neurotypicals have surface knowledge, limited to their respective life experiences and opinions based on shallow misattribution, which rarely includes evidence-based information. There’s no real understanding of ADHD in general. No real underatanding of the intense emotions that come with this neurological disorder. So I grieve alone. Unpredictable emotional rollercoaster rises that are as intense as a wild fire. My ADHD and my grief of losing my brother. To f****** covid. What a lethal combination. Grief is a very personal experience. Each of us handles grief on our own terms. But what are these terms? I’ll keep you posted if and when I figure our what they are. All I know is that they are unknown and unpredictable. They intensify our ADHD symptoms beyond comprehension. Anger. Deep sadness. Guilt. Isolation. Denial. Hyper-mourning. Confusion. Despair. Take them as they come. Do the best you can. Allow yourself to feel. Embrace these feelings. Let the emotions be expressed. Give them freedom, and take it one day at a time.  Do not entertain those who dictate their social protocol as the appropriate way to grieve. Know why? Because those people are likely non-ADHDers and do not understand us nor do they understand that we have a different way of handing trauma. To be continued . . .

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I tried really hard. I’m sorry I was removed for a while, but you understood why. You understood my ADHD – lord knows our entire family has it, albeit unrecognized and undiagnosed, but oh boy do they have it!  You understood my overwhelm, my reactionary behavior, my impatience. You understood my barriers, my boundaries, and my bullshit. And I understood you. I understood your iron-clad exterior. Your defensiveness. Your impatience. I also appreciated your enthusiasm. Your passion for life. Your humanitarianism. I am grateful to have had you as my brother. I am grateful to have learned so muxh from you.  I am grateful for our special bond. I am grateful for your love. I am grateful for how proud you were of me. I’m grateful for you always looking out for me. For protecting me. For defending me. Everyone in the world should have a brother like you. Thank you for being mine. Love you bro. We shall meet again. #effyoucovvid

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